Are Relationships supposed to be easy?

Are Relationships supposed to be easy?

No, right? That was your reflex answer after reading this question, wasn't it? Well, no need to worry. A survey suggests that every 8 out of 10 people feel the same way.

But, What if the answer's YES?

There's always a lot of perplexities when it comes to matters related to relationships. Be it how to get into one or even how to end one. Infact, the difficult question really is how to maintain one? But, is it actually that difficult, or is it supposed to be easy? The answer ain't that simple. Although ideally, YES, it should be that simple. Being in a relationship shouldn't feel like an encumbrance or a laborious task which you constantly fear as to not mess it up. But the ideal situations don't exist, do they? What if there is something that you might be missing out upon or just overlooking something that makes it all easy?! 


So let's see In which phase and which level of a relationship exactly does that difficulty increase?!

                    

LEVEL ONE :
The first part, Infatuation, is the easiest one. You feel attracted towards someone, you go on a date, you start discovering chemistry between you two and then you decide to take it further. But at this stage, it's mostly the physical connection between the two of you that you like and earnestly crave so much. 

And if that is great, our body releases something called norepinephrine which usually activates our fight or flight senses and hence our hearts start beating at an unusual rate. Without our realizing it, our pupils dilate and glucose in our body is increased, not because there's a danger, but because our body senses that something important is happening. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter is also produced which give you a natural high, enabling you to only see the good parts about the relationship. Everything seems instantly brighter and the newly- chosen one is perfect in every sense and even their little quirks are adorable. This is why the "initial phase" of a relationship is so euphoric and goes without conflicts while being in a dreamy state of mind.

LEVEL TWO :

But once this infatuation phase starts to wear off, usually in a few months' time, then creeps up the stage where the blinkers dissolve. Gradually the neurotransmitters slow down and the brain reduces the production of the happy hormones. Usually, this is the time when you actually start to see and know your partner's true personality. This "more talking" phase reveals all the information necessary for you to make the choice as to whether keep dating them further or just put a stop to this immediately. 

At this point in time, it starts to get a bit complicated. What we want in a person, is actually a reflection of us, but along with our desired features of an ideal partner. For example, let's say we are constantly oscillating at a certain frequency and all we wish is to find someone who is oscillating at the same or similar value. This thing, contrary to popular belief, is not in our hands. Our brain takes care of this subconsciously and hence, it is commonly known as "we just click together". What this means is, you've found a worthy enough partner for dating with whom you find some kind of connection, and are ready to test the relationship in real life.

LEVEL 'REALITY' :

Usually, a couple is bound to have had at least one fight in an initial span of 6 months. The important thing isn't that the fights should get resolved, rather the way as to how you resolve them. Do both the partners wish to stop fighting because they don't wish to fight with the person they love and hurt them, or is it just cause they have to resolve it for the sake of it? Moments like these show how invested you and your partner are in the relationship. If you actually love your partner's little quirks, love being with them, love talking about them and just love yourself when you are with them, then you'll have no trouble letting your guard down and sacrificing your ego just to see them smile again. This would happen without you even realizing it and thus, not making a big deal about it. 

If you manage to survive and thrive this part of the relationship with no doubts and regrets in your mind, you might just start thinking he/ she is the one. Cause if not, and the problems start kicking in during this phase, then no matter how much you hope or try, those doubts and fears will grow and it would never get "as easy as it supposed to be". This is the time when you should decide whether to continue dating your partner and try to make it work, despite them not being what you really wanted OR just accept the simple reality and take the easy freeway to break- up!

Sometimes, factors like jealousy, insecurity, and paranoia affect the relationship too much. Well, the key to resolve any of the millions of issues like these is actually simple... Setting a priority order in your life.


I know it's hard sometimes to give your relationship the utmost priority. But, if you are willing to show that you are trying really hard to manage things in your personal as well as professional life, I'm sure that your partner would be understanding enough to support you through it rather than nag you every time there's a chance!
As for the other case, if your partner is showing you that they are trying hard to gain your trust, gradually you are bound to loosen up about your old doubts pertaining to loyalty and commitment. 
Now, in a scenario where they are hyperactive socially, but they'd rather be seen as a couple in public than an individual, you would love that opportunity instead of getting insecure about it, as their social life becomes yours too.

This again boils down to the fact that 'how invested your partner is in the relationship'?. If you both are at the same level, you'd find that all your insecurities and issues start vanishing and you actually start believing in the relationship and it becomes highly probable that this would turn out to be an 'easy and smooth' journey. But, if not, and you can see that only one of you is trying hard and your partner is in it because of your hard work, then eventually there will come a time when you wouldn't want to do that anymore and just ultimately give up. 

Expectations, that were set subconsciously when everything was going great, seriously get hurt at this point because you can't seem to lose hope that they would suddenly change for good, but also, deep down, you know that it isn't gonna happen. Thus, you are confused as to whether to keep trying or let go and this is what people deem as "it's complicated". Hence the early stage, i.e, post-honeymoon phase, is the time of the relationship where you can start judging how the relationship would turn out to be.

I guess it's clear when and how does difficulty start creeping into a relationship. Just try and identify it in the beginning when it's trivial and kind of invisible to both of you. Communicate with your partner openly about any of this stuff if you're thinking about it. You'll probably be able to solve it better if you do it together. And if you do, you are good to go for the rest of your life.
P.S don't overthink all of this too :P

Post a Comment

16 Comments

  1. Absolutely spot on. It definitely boils down to how invested you and your partner are in the relationship. Relationships evolve and there will be highs and lows. It's unrealistic to think they will always be easy. Great peice.

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  2. I love your thoughts on relationships!

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  3. This is such a fantastic post, and one that is true, to me at least.

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  4. I like how you explained it according to science. There are some new vocabularies that I learnt, plus, I can relate to the third paragraph. I felt my mind spoken while reading it. Thanks a lot for this and wish for reading more things alike. That’s beyond interesting to me.

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  5. I never knew you could create magic with your words❤️

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  6. I love this post! I do think that relationships take work and like I mentioned, I agree with you when you said don't overthink your relationship. I believe it's important to take things day by day and keep an open mind

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  7. This is such a great insight to relationships! Thanks for sharing!

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  8. I think the answer is yes if you find the the right person. It's all about communication and handling disagreements is key. My husband and I talk everything out, we never "fight" but we do disagree from time to time. Anyway, there's nothing hard about it!

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  9. Yes, relationships should be easy. Otherwise life will be very complicated.

    Regards
    Santanu
    https://www.bloggingjoy.com

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  10. Really impressed!
    Are you single?😅

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  11. Nice you understood well about relationships, this understanding can make you, what to do, what not do..

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  12. Raw and real commentary on relationships. Love it!

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  13. Varun, the way you understand things is beautiful ❤️

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